FR: Alcoholism, gallipoli and uninteresting drought breakers

Phew. What a weekend. From getting hammered, having a fuck ton of fun and trying to climb churches to having soul shattering numbers of blowouts from the uberhotties of gallipoli and pissing off a lot of kiwis.

Friday night…. causing a ruccus with the social circle for birthday times at the local. Several too many beers are sunk with jager bombs for chasers. As I ramble about labelling, the defining points of relationships and sex, the only girly I don’t already know is rather sparklemotion. Fuck it, guess I’ll hit on her later. Lots of talking, yelling, biting of heads, gay photo poses, shuffling and dirty dancing occurs over the next few hours, which now only exist in my memory as a confused mess of events.

Enter master J-rad. Stories are told and beers are consumed. Miss Sparklemotion is grabbed by the wrist and led to the balcony with no real information about where we are going or why we are going there. She doesn’t seem to mind. It becomes pretty clear nothing is going to happen. Something about a boyfriend and her having being forewarned about my expected behaviour.

Wing times. Two girls standing around on their phones. With simultaneous wing claws, girls are asked if they are ready to come home with us. They are not. They would prefer to walk away, while J-rad and I put on relentless waves of awesome (Cr: Jeffy). Eventually a bouncer asks them whats going on and he wanders over to us…. We rejoice that we are going to get kicked out…. Nope, he instead tells us that they are hot, and it is unfortunate they rejected our offers.

The rest of the night becomes a blur of lost interactions, attempted church climbing, dropping several almost full beers no more than a few minutes apart, and a lot of drunken rambling overlooking the city.

Saturday…. a call from the YouSarge crew presents the option of heading to the Gold Coast for a night of drunken delight. Decision is made, tunes are cranked and accelerator is planted. Lucky I have a keen eye for speed cameras.

Yet again more beers are downed, the future of pick up is discussed and we all head to the casino. Commence ego feed deluxe from some new friends who haven’t met me but read the blog. I kindy ask them to shut the fuck up, and stop providing food for my apparently starving ego.

I get talking to a cutie, who asks if we can embarass her friend by singing happy birthday to her. So we learn it in japanese, but the silly girl won’t come over to us, and we can’t get to where she is. She looks at us funny. My weekend’s first dose of gold coast glory. And by glory I mean gut-wreching bitchiness of satan.

Into the main clubbing area, I’m still battling my stupid ego which thinks it has something to prove to these guys. Commence ego destruction mission by doing a few quick sets which blow up quickly. Cool. Now to start just having fun and talking to friendly girls right?

Wrong.

I had forgotten that during bootcamp in this very city, our Saturday night had been codenamed “Gallipoli”, and for good reason. Many ego’s have been shot, bruised and destroyed by the inferno of bitch that is Cavill Avenue.

After some claw demonstrations for the boys, some fun time injection is needed, so the pick up line game is played. Guy 1 picks a line and a girl, guy 2 must use given line on given girl. Guy 2 repeats for guy 3 and this continues back around the circle. I mean tripod.

SingleWing turns into a random creative fucker when drunk, and decides that the following would make a great line.

Oh my god, last week I baked a pie that was the exact same colour as your skirt!

Once I stopped laughing, it was used to decent effect until set was interjected with large boyfriend.

I get over the battlefury women and instead play with my new wings social circle girls for a little bit, as they slowly rebuild my hope in gold coast femmes (Read: they are actually cool).

So I use the rekindled hope to talk to some nearby girls.

Hope is removed.

New venue! Wooo this place is cool I’ve never been here before. Drink stealing mechanism is built from connected straws and put to use. This is very risky in a fisticuffs prone place like the Gold Coast, but I was getting too drunk and “I don’t give a fuck” to care. After all there was not much of my ego left free of bullet holes at this point. Nothing really came of it except a few smiles and glares from boyfriends.

Rock music clubs are abandoned in favour of shuffle friendly music at my request. Cover charges are shunned upon by young men in search of alcohol, so a free place is found.

Wow, Hotties! You look friendly! Nope, you aren’t. So do you! Wrong again, pal. Ugh. SingleWing sends me into some sets, before waiting a minute or two and entering with the same line. LOL. Start spinning and inning and informing girls of their adorableness. It didn’t take long to realise that if I do not get a makeout in less than 20 seconds out of this, I have NO idea what to do. Experimentation occurs, failure results, no answers found.

Shock and Awe on hottest girl in club. Check.
Having a dance circle formed around me. Check.
Approaching sets I already got blown out of. Check.
Going direct on girls in 2 sets. Check. (Something I haven’t done yet)
Apocalypse. Check.
Realise every potential girl in this club has been exhausted. Check.

It’s after 4am, time for Maccas. On the food and transport-locating journey, we chat to some weed smoking kiwis, accuse girls of various atrocities and find pieces of my ego all over the ground. The girls seem to be a bit more friendly in the street. Not as hot, though. Kiwi’s don’t like it when you quote the whale clip non-stop.

Conclusion: This night reminded me how much Saturday night on the Gold Coast makes me want to hold hands and cuddle up under a blanket on a winters night. And by that I mean cut my heart out with a spoon.

Yeah, I’m pretty weird.

Sunday night…. I was absolutely fucked, feeling the sleep deprivation and didn’t want to go out. It turns out CherishGirl, Kbomb and KarateKid were at the pub down the road so I unstuck myself from the desk chair and walked down. Nothing really of note except some American bird hating on me and then swapping over to the nice side, so I’ll cut to the chase.

CherishGirl spent the night again. Except at some point during the kissy kissy I decided I was getting laid. The old trusty “Should i get a condom”. She said “I don’t know” which I took as a yes. As I’m putting it on she says “Uh uh, you’re on top first”, which I took as a definite yes.

I should be happy, cause it’s been a long time comin’. But just as I expected, it was incredibly uneventful and uninteresting. She just doesn’t love sex enough. What the fuck, who doesn’t love sex?

Girls are funny. Drought broken. Whoop whoop.

Looking forward to the next soul destroying Gold Coast mission….

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FR: Alleyway Fun

After seriously considering bailing on the night and calling CherishGirl, Mister J confirms his want to go out. Fuck it.

First venue dead. I pick some girl up for ‘late birthday hugs’ and she freaks out.

The ratio at the second venue is awesome, for Brisbane. A bunch of 4 girls are doing retarded dances around their table.

You guys…. look like more fun…. then ANYONE in this place
We are making fun of those suits!

We pull up seats and inform them that the lawnmower and the shopping trolley are back “in” as top dance moves for 2008. We teach each other a bunch of random moves before I find a buisness card for some lawyer on the table. I laugh at them for getting hit on by seedy old men.

No, No, No! It was here when we got here.
Oh, righto. Pull out phone and dial the number
Oi! Here, take this. Speak!
Who is it
Lawyer dude. Get sexy

She makes a feeble attempt at seducing the sucker on the end of the phone. Poor guy.

He calls back a few times, each time I hand it to a different girl. The last one says

Hey, I wanna add you to myspace and show you pictures of my pussy

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I fucking love this girl, absolute champion. I tell em they are the coolest girls I’ve met in a while (in all honesty). They think I’m bullshitting and I say it to all the girls. Whatever.

Two friends scurry off, leaving me, J, PussyGirl and AlleyGirl. We chat about things guys can get away with during sex (like yelling harder better faster stronger).

I drag AlleyGirl to the d-floor and try to teach her to shuffle, and J takes PussyGirl to the bar. We join up and they say they are leaving to go to the local gay bar.

Internal: Shit! Fuck how to play this. Look around. Hmm there’s a corner.

I grab her by the wrist and drag her behind the corner

You ain’t going anywhere yet

Level 4 makeout.

I tell em I might see them at the gay bar later and bail. Not before demonstarting how to ‘pick up chicks’, by throwing her over my shoulder.

Walking to the next club….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

The two girls headed in our direction explode and both try to claim it’s their birthday. Righto. I pick one up for birthday hugs and ask if she’s had her birthday makeout yet.

No… But I have a boyfriend. And I love him very much.

Righto. We spend the next 20 mins in search of solo targets to apocalypse to no avail.

J takes me home. On the drive, I got a text from AlleyGirl asking where her 15 calls were (I had told her I was going to call her 15 times a day until she left the country). Sitting in my room about to go to sleep and I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I went back out solo or went to the gaybar.

Sleep or adventure?

Jump in my car.

Oi we’re going to the (gaybar)!
We are going home now Sorry
Cool talk later x Stay out of trouble you brat

Fuck. Back up plan is to go into the city. As I am pulling into a city carpark:

Hey hussy im no brat. Come to the (gaybar) my friend didnt want you to come LOL

Turn that shit around and back to the gaybar.

There’s only two of them left, after some dancing the final one bails. Its ON.

Let’s get out of here

On the walk to my car she asks where we are going about 7 times. Each time I don’t answer and keep talking rubbish until I finally give in and say Club Pyro.

We get to the car and I wallslam again. She says she can’t come back to mine for a seemingly genuine reason.

Any other night I would, honestly. Worst fucking night for it, ever

I kinda believed her. Whatever.

You don’t want to know the things I’m thinking of doing to you right now
I think I do

Instead I took her to an alleyway and fingerbang her until she almost fell over. Literally. Cunts keep looking down the alleyway to see what the noise is all about, and she fucking loves it. Afterwards, she won’t embrace cock to mouth or fucky fucky. Just as we are finishing up two guys walk down the alleyway and piss a few meters away from us. Thanks dudes. Hot.

Future plans were made. Pretty sure its solid.

I need some fuckin sleep. But work doesn’t allow it.

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Bullshit Community Terms

Community acronyms annoy me.

HB, NC, KC, FC, IOI, FTC, SOI, MPB…. What the fuck.

To be honest I got sucked into using them for a while there. Then I realised it was incredibly lame and nerdy. From now on, the prefix HB will be replaced with the suffix Girl.

Some more examples:

I number closed!

No, you “got a girls number”. Or maybe “got dat biznitches digits yo”. I don’t fucking care, but you did not number close. Please!

Yay, I got a kiss close

Oh do you realise how fucking LAME that sounds. You sucked face, macked on, played tonsil hockey, had a tongue down or tried to find out what she had for dinner.

I opened a set of HB’s

Cool, and I’m about to rip your head off and shit down your neck. You mean you talked to some girls, right? Awesome.

I full/fuck closed

Isn’t “fuck” suffice? Why add the stupid word closed onto the end. Do you realise how many better terms there are for this you scene nerd?

Some examples:

I had intercourse.

I planted my seed.

I played hide the sausage.

I wrecked that bitch.

I dipped my pork sword in her vertical bacon sandwich.

I did gagoogidy that girl. I gashmoygadied her gaflavity with my googus.

For fucks sake there was an entire song written on alternatives: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fT45EhTIxqU

I opened with a FTC and ran a DHV. After the hook I delivered an open loop to the group, bodyrocked and showed active disinterest by negging the target. I saw three IOI’s in the first 2 minutes so I dropped a couple of SOI’s. She IODed a little so I push-pulled, ran a compliance test and had her jump through some mini hoops. Some chode came in so I AMOGed him and he started whining, DLVing himself. The target was HSE so I qualified her and initiated kino. She went DDB so I number closed and used a kiss gambit. I isolated and created a time bridge by bouncing to a comfort location. Eventually I took her back to the seduction location and she gave LMR so I froze her out until she let me full close.

Die

Peace

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Opening

I thought it was about time I posted something actually applicable in field. For so many guys, opening is the hardest part. It’s ridiculously easy to do, yet people make it such a big deal. And there’s plenty of dudes who, once in conversation, already have what it takes to get the girl. So the only thing in the way is starting that conversation.

What stops people doing it? Fear of rejection. Whether its rejection from the girl, from the group for looking weird or rejection from your mates from blowing out, it all can create some anxiety. What the worst that can happen? You don’t get the girl. Isn’t that the same position you’re already in? You might even have a cool story about how she blew you out (I actually love telling some of the stories of blowouts I’ve got in the past). Your mates will probably even respect you for having a go and most importantly, you’ll respect YOURSELF for having a go.

I’ll quickly go over the basics, even though you have probably read them six million times by now.

Smile – Important as hell. Otherwise you’ll look like a nervous kid or a creep. Get yourself in a happy mood beforehand, cause fake smiles are very obvious, especially to the elite ninja subcommunication reading abilities posessed by women.

Voice – Be fucking LOUD. It sucks ass to have to repeat yourself and kind of kills the vibe. Command attention with your tonality, you will not be ignored.

Body Language – You already know how cool guys stand and move. It’s not rocket surgery.

Touch – As soon as possible in the interaction. It’s OK to go in and claw two girls as you start the conversation. Physcial escalation is pretty much the most important part of pick up, so the sooner you start the better.

So I’m going to list out the evolution of openers I have used since I started out in the scene. They start at my very first approach, with a false time constraint and a ridiculous opinion opener all the way to my current style of fun and silly or full on direct. Once in the conversation it becomes a bunch of improvisation, saying anything that comes to mind. But that’s for a different article. Most of the time normal conversation happens off the back of these openers but in the case of the silly ones, after a bit of bullshitting I’ll say something like “Sorry I have no idea who you are….so who are you?”.  So far so good.

So here’s my list:

Hey, quickly before I get back to my friends, what do you reckon about guys who wear eyeliner, cause my mates brother….

Quick question, would you ever date a guy in a wheelchair?

I like lizards (or any dumb shit you can think of)

Who would you rather date, superman or garfield?

*Enter circle, hands on two peoples shoulders, big booming voice like a bouncer* HEY, I’m ganna have to ask you guys to leave. *wait for shock or WTF response, and hold it, glaring at them* Cause you guys don’t look like you’re having any fun. This is a club! *massive grin*

*After locked eye contact and a smile, plant feet and point at them* WHO are YOU!?
*Firm shoudler double tap* Who are you?
*Pull in by their arm* Who are you?

Hmmm, you’re not allowed to look that sad in here

Hey whats up, I’m Pyro
*Cyclone* Hey whats up, I’m Pyro

I lost all my friends and I’m a massive loser, I’m sad!

I’m meeting people tonight, who are you guys?

You guys look like fun/the most fun in this place, who ARE you?
Fuck you guys look fun I had to meet you

I’m cold, I’m sad, and I need a hug *exaggerated sad face*

Hey, saw ya from over there and thought you were adorable/cute as fuck, and wanted to meet you, I’m Pyro

And then there’s a million more openers to be found situationally in your surroundings.

Peace out and have fun

Pyro

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