LR: Welshy

Ok so last night was intense. Around march I cut my drinking from 5 nights a week to twice a month. Lately I’ve been a booze hound practically every weekend. Ehhh, why the fuck not.

I went to a lair party. Yep, you read that right. Bunch of dudes drinking and talking about chicks. It wasn’t bad at all, it turned out they were a bunch of cool guys. Plus acting like an obnoxious fool makes it more entertaining for me.

I’m sufficiently “I do not give any fuck” by the time I’ve hit the valley. It’s been good like that this week, hopefully I can transfer it to when I’m not boozed.

First set, I’m in full talk shit mode deluxe

“Hmm you’re the first girl i saw. Code dictates that I must talk to you. Plus, youre fucking adorable”

She doesn’t seem to like me much and trails off. Whatever.

Dance floor, tap tap

“Oi, youre cute as fuck”

She gives me the ‘thanks but no thanks’ look, and says something about having to dance with her friends. I turn to friends

“Hey I think your friend is adorable, can I borrow her for a second”

Expecting to be told to fuck off….

The friends start pushing us off together

“yeah!!! GO! GO WITH HIM!”

Fuck yeah, cheerleaders! The girl still ran away a minute later. Bugger.

I’m outside chattin to the boys about gravity and lording, when Red Leader brings over a cutie. Fuck ya, its the bitch who blew me off earlier. But now shes all smiles and waves at me.

Not wanting to steal Red’s girl I back off a little, which probably inadvertently gets her chasing harder. Sorry dude. As soon as Red gives me the all clear, I take her to the side. She’s crapping on about how she doesn’t look her best tonight.

“Err, whatever. I still wanna make out with you”

Cheek turn. Back off. She comes in for it instead. She kisses like a fish.

She’s from Wales. My first UK chick

I don’t know if it helps me, but I love eating lollipops when I’m in the club. Mid talking to a girl, I’ll pull it out of my mouth and offer it to her. When she takes it I find it hot as fuck, and it usually means its ON.

The rest of the night is a blur of moving her EVERYWHERE. Dance floor, couches, smokers area, bar, booth, dance floor, outside to a 7-11 for lollipops, a random outside dance floor in the mall, cab.

From a combination of alcohol and ‘other assistance’, we have quite the lack of performance from a certain body part. Fuck.

All good, I banged her in the morning. She fucks like a fish. Don’t know if I’ll see her again, she’s only here for a couple of months.

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FR: Persistence and Turning Your Night Around

I’m posting up this report because it shows that an absolutley shit night can be turned aronud no worries. There is no excuse for submitting to the downward spiral. It also shows some serious persistence to the point where the girl was physically trying to pull away from me.

By building up the night so much, having a 2 hour nap and a red bull, I accidentally drummed up a stupidly hyperactive state.

Doesn’t matter, we explode the fuck up anyway. We walk past the biggest line we have yet, the bouncers look at us for a split second, and we walk straight in. Waiting is for the non glorious.

The latest craze is telling girls exactly what you’re doing to them.

“Hi, I have to talk to the first girl I see. Thats you!”
“This is what we call the claw. You are being clawed.”
“Oi! Reject me as hard as you can to blow my ego to pieces for the rest of the night!”
“We are lording the club, and I am going to suck you in.”

Kinda funny, since it doesn’t matter what the hell you say.

The lot of us decide we’d rather pretend to be chodes and start marching around the city looking for ‘better venues’. Never mind the horde of hotties at the place we just left.

A few bounces later we end up back there. We line up.

Non glorious we have become.

More choding…..

FUCK this. If anything tonight, the aim is to turn this bullshit around into a happy state.

I chat to some dudes who look sad, and absolutely pump their night. Semi-social circle chats. Random bar chats. Whats that? Oh yes, I’ve cracked a smile. Time to shine.

A tanned bombshell waits for me to squeeze past her through the crowd, looks up with perfect blowjob eyes and smiles. My arms have already grabbed her shoulders and squared her up to me. How did that happen?

“Whoa, shit. I’m not letting you go past without saying Hi, you’re adorable.” Dammit this is starting to feel routine.

Insta sparkle motion. My 8 ball is being gay again, so chodeversation occurs. Fuck that.

“You’re my girlfriend for the night”
“Oi, I wanna dance”

I grab her hand and lead her through the intense crowd to the dance floor.

She’s the perfect grinder. My god. I grab her cheeks for a slow level 1 makeout. But wait what? A friend comes in and won’t go away. Fuck. Keep smiling, pull her in for three way grind. She loves it, friend conquered. She still isn’t leaving though.

“Oi, bar!”

I get some water and chat to the friend. I turn back and some dude is up on the girl. The orbiter kind. I run into K and they all trail off, whatever.

…….

After half an hour of more random chats and disgusting verbals I see her again near the dance floor. This time there’s at least 5 friends. Fuck it. Lift and spin (absolute golden). Cheers from all the friends, so I dance with all of them and they are laughing and cheering and loving it. She has run away again, fuck!

…….

Later on just walking around, there she is! Claw. Smiles from both of us.

“I have to go!”

She tries to leave and I pull her back. Tug o’ war. Fuck it, I guess it’s a loss. Even Kimball indicates so.

As I let go of the girl and walk to him:

“Oi dude whoa, turn around.”

SeppoGirl looks like a deer in the headlights. She’s frozen in the exact pose I let her go in, staring at us. Wtf.

“Chase that shit!”

Chase down occurs. Some dude starts talking to her, sees me coming and runs away. ??

She keeps trying to leave, but I keep pulling back. Absolute tug of war style persistance. I don’t think I’ve EVER pushed this hard. She’s completely sparkle motion but being so flighty.

*IMPORTANT – I could tell that this girl was into me. All her friends were practically my cheerleaders. This is why I kept going. Don’t go physically assaulting girls because it’s what it sounds like I did here. That’s creepy.

“I reaaaally have to go, but take my number”
“Righto”
“Call me!”
“Will do”

I shrug it off as a courtesy on her part, and then this, over text:

Stay out of trouble u brat. Pyro
You’re the cutest australian I’ve met. Hit me up sometime

My persistance, or cause I’m sexy as fuck? Gawd, I wanna wreck that chick.

Night turned around? I’d like to think so. Fuck this downward spiral bullshit, there is no excuse.

This might not sound like a big night in the way of results, but I went on to hook up with her the next night and take her home the night after that. But thats for another post.

Anything can happen. Just go for it. I don’t care how shit you are feeling.

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FR: Alcoholism, gallipoli and uninteresting drought breakers

Phew. What a weekend. From getting hammered, having a fuck ton of fun and trying to climb churches to having soul shattering numbers of blowouts from the uberhotties of gallipoli and pissing off a lot of kiwis.

Friday night…. causing a ruccus with the social circle for birthday times at the local. Several too many beers are sunk with jager bombs for chasers. As I ramble about labelling, the defining points of relationships and sex, the only girly I don’t already know is rather sparklemotion. Fuck it, guess I’ll hit on her later. Lots of talking, yelling, biting of heads, gay photo poses, shuffling and dirty dancing occurs over the next few hours, which now only exist in my memory as a confused mess of events.

Enter master J-rad. Stories are told and beers are consumed. Miss Sparklemotion is grabbed by the wrist and led to the balcony with no real information about where we are going or why we are going there. She doesn’t seem to mind. It becomes pretty clear nothing is going to happen. Something about a boyfriend and her having being forewarned about my expected behaviour.

Wing times. Two girls standing around on their phones. With simultaneous wing claws, girls are asked if they are ready to come home with us. They are not. They would prefer to walk away, while J-rad and I put on relentless waves of awesome (Cr: Jeffy). Eventually a bouncer asks them whats going on and he wanders over to us…. We rejoice that we are going to get kicked out…. Nope, he instead tells us that they are hot, and it is unfortunate they rejected our offers.

The rest of the night becomes a blur of lost interactions, attempted church climbing, dropping several almost full beers no more than a few minutes apart, and a lot of drunken rambling overlooking the city.

Saturday…. a call from the YouSarge crew presents the option of heading to the Gold Coast for a night of drunken delight. Decision is made, tunes are cranked and accelerator is planted. Lucky I have a keen eye for speed cameras.

Yet again more beers are downed, the future of pick up is discussed and we all head to the casino. Commence ego feed deluxe from some new friends who haven’t met me but read the blog. I kindy ask them to shut the fuck up, and stop providing food for my apparently starving ego.

I get talking to a cutie, who asks if we can embarass her friend by singing happy birthday to her. So we learn it in japanese, but the silly girl won’t come over to us, and we can’t get to where she is. She looks at us funny. My weekend’s first dose of gold coast glory. And by glory I mean gut-wreching bitchiness of satan.

Into the main clubbing area, I’m still battling my stupid ego which thinks it has something to prove to these guys. Commence ego destruction mission by doing a few quick sets which blow up quickly. Cool. Now to start just having fun and talking to friendly girls right?

Wrong.

I had forgotten that during bootcamp in this very city, our Saturday night had been codenamed “Gallipoli”, and for good reason. Many ego’s have been shot, bruised and destroyed by the inferno of bitch that is Cavill Avenue.

After some claw demonstrations for the boys, some fun time injection is needed, so the pick up line game is played. Guy 1 picks a line and a girl, guy 2 must use given line on given girl. Guy 2 repeats for guy 3 and this continues back around the circle. I mean tripod.

SingleWing turns into a random creative fucker when drunk, and decides that the following would make a great line.

Oh my god, last week I baked a pie that was the exact same colour as your skirt!

Once I stopped laughing, it was used to decent effect until set was interjected with large boyfriend.

I get over the battlefury women and instead play with my new wings social circle girls for a little bit, as they slowly rebuild my hope in gold coast femmes (Read: they are actually cool).

So I use the rekindled hope to talk to some nearby girls.

Hope is removed.

New venue! Wooo this place is cool I’ve never been here before. Drink stealing mechanism is built from connected straws and put to use. This is very risky in a fisticuffs prone place like the Gold Coast, but I was getting too drunk and “I don’t give a fuck” to care. After all there was not much of my ego left free of bullet holes at this point. Nothing really came of it except a few smiles and glares from boyfriends.

Rock music clubs are abandoned in favour of shuffle friendly music at my request. Cover charges are shunned upon by young men in search of alcohol, so a free place is found.

Wow, Hotties! You look friendly! Nope, you aren’t. So do you! Wrong again, pal. Ugh. SingleWing sends me into some sets, before waiting a minute or two and entering with the same line. LOL. Start spinning and inning and informing girls of their adorableness. It didn’t take long to realise that if I do not get a makeout in less than 20 seconds out of this, I have NO idea what to do. Experimentation occurs, failure results, no answers found.

Shock and Awe on hottest girl in club. Check.
Having a dance circle formed around me. Check.
Approaching sets I already got blown out of. Check.
Going direct on girls in 2 sets. Check. (Something I haven’t done yet)
Apocalypse. Check.
Realise every potential girl in this club has been exhausted. Check.

It’s after 4am, time for Maccas. On the food and transport-locating journey, we chat to some weed smoking kiwis, accuse girls of various atrocities and find pieces of my ego all over the ground. The girls seem to be a bit more friendly in the street. Not as hot, though. Kiwi’s don’t like it when you quote the whale clip non-stop.

Conclusion: This night reminded me how much Saturday night on the Gold Coast makes me want to hold hands and cuddle up under a blanket on a winters night. And by that I mean cut my heart out with a spoon.

Yeah, I’m pretty weird.

Sunday night…. I was absolutely fucked, feeling the sleep deprivation and didn’t want to go out. It turns out CherishGirl, Kbomb and KarateKid were at the pub down the road so I unstuck myself from the desk chair and walked down. Nothing really of note except some American bird hating on me and then swapping over to the nice side, so I’ll cut to the chase.

CherishGirl spent the night again. Except at some point during the kissy kissy I decided I was getting laid. The old trusty “Should i get a condom”. She said “I don’t know” which I took as a yes. As I’m putting it on she says “Uh uh, you’re on top first”, which I took as a definite yes.

I should be happy, cause it’s been a long time comin’. But just as I expected, it was incredibly uneventful and uninteresting. She just doesn’t love sex enough. What the fuck, who doesn’t love sex?

Girls are funny. Drought broken. Whoop whoop.

Looking forward to the next soul destroying Gold Coast mission….

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FR: Alleyway Fun

After seriously considering bailing on the night and calling CherishGirl, Mister J confirms his want to go out. Fuck it.

First venue dead. I pick some girl up for ‘late birthday hugs’ and she freaks out.

The ratio at the second venue is awesome, for Brisbane. A bunch of 4 girls are doing retarded dances around their table.

You guys…. look like more fun…. then ANYONE in this place
We are making fun of those suits!

We pull up seats and inform them that the lawnmower and the shopping trolley are back “in” as top dance moves for 2008. We teach each other a bunch of random moves before I find a buisness card for some lawyer on the table. I laugh at them for getting hit on by seedy old men.

No, No, No! It was here when we got here.
Oh, righto. Pull out phone and dial the number
Oi! Here, take this. Speak!
Who is it
Lawyer dude. Get sexy

She makes a feeble attempt at seducing the sucker on the end of the phone. Poor guy.

He calls back a few times, each time I hand it to a different girl. The last one says

Hey, I wanna add you to myspace and show you pictures of my pussy

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I fucking love this girl, absolute champion. I tell em they are the coolest girls I’ve met in a while (in all honesty). They think I’m bullshitting and I say it to all the girls. Whatever.

Two friends scurry off, leaving me, J, PussyGirl and AlleyGirl. We chat about things guys can get away with during sex (like yelling harder better faster stronger).

I drag AlleyGirl to the d-floor and try to teach her to shuffle, and J takes PussyGirl to the bar. We join up and they say they are leaving to go to the local gay bar.

Internal: Shit! Fuck how to play this. Look around. Hmm there’s a corner.

I grab her by the wrist and drag her behind the corner

You ain’t going anywhere yet

Level 4 makeout.

I tell em I might see them at the gay bar later and bail. Not before demonstarting how to ‘pick up chicks’, by throwing her over my shoulder.

Walking to the next club….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

The two girls headed in our direction explode and both try to claim it’s their birthday. Righto. I pick one up for birthday hugs and ask if she’s had her birthday makeout yet.

No… But I have a boyfriend. And I love him very much.

Righto. We spend the next 20 mins in search of solo targets to apocalypse to no avail.

J takes me home. On the drive, I got a text from AlleyGirl asking where her 15 calls were (I had told her I was going to call her 15 times a day until she left the country). Sitting in my room about to go to sleep and I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I went back out solo or went to the gaybar.

Sleep or adventure?

Jump in my car.

Oi we’re going to the (gaybar)!
We are going home now Sorry
Cool talk later x Stay out of trouble you brat

Fuck. Back up plan is to go into the city. As I am pulling into a city carpark:

Hey hussy im no brat. Come to the (gaybar) my friend didnt want you to come LOL

Turn that shit around and back to the gaybar.

There’s only two of them left, after some dancing the final one bails. Its ON.

Let’s get out of here

On the walk to my car she asks where we are going about 7 times. Each time I don’t answer and keep talking rubbish until I finally give in and say Club Pyro.

We get to the car and I wallslam again. She says she can’t come back to mine for a seemingly genuine reason.

Any other night I would, honestly. Worst fucking night for it, ever

I kinda believed her. Whatever.

You don’t want to know the things I’m thinking of doing to you right now
I think I do

Instead I took her to an alleyway and fingerbang her until she almost fell over. Literally. Cunts keep looking down the alleyway to see what the noise is all about, and she fucking loves it. Afterwards, she won’t embrace cock to mouth or fucky fucky. Just as we are finishing up two guys walk down the alleyway and piss a few meters away from us. Thanks dudes. Hot.

Future plans were made. Pretty sure its solid.

I need some fuckin sleep. But work doesn’t allow it.

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Attract Women – My Favorite Kind of Bird

This being my first post, I’ll give you a history lesson…

Me:
I got introduced to The Game at the start of last year.
Before I had finished reading it, I met a girl who turned out to be my girlfriend for the next year. After we broke up at the start of this year, I was pretty keen to get back into what I never really had a chance to get into in the first place – becoming a PUA and slaying bad bitches.

My Game:
I tend to rely purely on Social Proof (a bit too much I must admit).. I’m not too keen on routines, more of a natural game guy. I’m comfortable opening, closing, but I’m shit at the inbetweens.

Ok so January 2008 I was the devo guy… fast forward 6 months and I’m been doing aiiight. Highlights have included a last minute desperation myspace bootycall hookup on a sunday night in which redtube was the only other option, and the quote “its in my hair”… hahaha too good. When getting head do we really have to tell them when we’re about to blow? Isn’t that kind of like having a surprise party for a mate at his house and telling him just before he walks in the door?

Anyway… Thursday a friend of mine had told me she knows a nympho girl who thinks i’m the coolest guy with the raddest style. Turns out i’ve never seen this girl in my life (see? social proof. i can’t help myself from relying on it). As slightly creeped out as I was… I am on a 6 month Severe Warning Level 3 Drought* so yiewwww I was frothin for some action.

*Our crew invented a means of categorising our droughts in levels…
Level 1 – Hookup Drought
Level 2 – Down below drought (includes playing the dj, blowjobs, etc…)
Level 3 – Root drought (so yep… I was ‘ootless in 2008)
and then there’s a whole other heap of ones that include Level Negative 10 (going home with a chick and only getting cuddles – which I recently got… its FUCKED), Level 100 (fclosing a milf)….. and the list goes on…

Thursday night:
Met the girl, who I will call MBB. She was so keen it made me sick.. She was bailing early and I had other plans already so I typed 04 into my phone and passed it to her.

Friday night:
I’m in my 2nd favourite club (I personally rate clubs on who and who many people i know there), just vibing generally having a good time with crew and sussing out the talent. I had messaged MBB earlier on and she was going to be out on a girls night at some other mud club. She ended up ditching her girls, and coming to meet me. She was dropping my name to other girls, saying she was there to see me! It was on. She thinks I’m a superstar! I didnt pay any attention to her or even hang around her the whole night hahahaa until about half hour before we were ready to bail. I found her, made out with her, and took her hand and said we were leaving.

Back at my mates place with the crew, to isolate her I asked her ‘have you been given the tour of the house?’
Next thing i know we’re on the bed… i grabbed her hand and put it on my cock. She was frothing hard out and we were undressing each other. I noticed a tattoo to the right of her pussy… what a slut!

She would try to resist and say she didnt want to do anything but then she’d keep going. After a while I got over her little games and fell asleep.. woke up after a bit and my fingers were playing the DJ and she was grabbing my dick. It was on. I’m on top pumping, she’s on top riding me like a redtube 5 star rated video (do you ever not laugh when you mention redtube? so good), im on top, then I hear “fuck me doggy”. The sex went on for soooo long that I was getting over it and generally frustrated cause I couldnt blow. I ripped the condom off (dry as fuck) and pushed her head down. 20 minutes later BOOMMM!!! Massive weight lifted off my shoulder! (or should i say, off my balls?) Its the worst thing to get a root and not blow.. to the point where I’d rather not get the root at all. Do you agree?

While all of this is going through my head (along with the fact I’m ready to pass out) I failed to realise that she was still going at it, cleaning it all up! I tapped her on the shoulder and told her to stop cos my dick was fucking hurting!

So back to the title question:
What is my favourite type of bird? Easy…

SWALLOW

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FR: Insane night on the booze

Last Sunday night we had a buddy in town. This bloke did bootcamp with me and we had a few nights out in the city with him. This was his last night. Until this point in his life he had strayed away from alcohol big time. Call him S.

We prescribe a hefty dose of vodka to loosen the man up, and lower inhibitions. By fuck it worked a treat. I rarely booze these days so I decided I’d get fucked up also.

Walking to the pub, we are a sack full of idiots. S is having more fun then I’ve ever seen him have. Woooooo!

Lots of sets. Guys open us. Girls open us. Straws are thrown like confetti. Beer glasses are balanced on my head. First attempt of glass on head game results in glass smashing as it falls to the concrete floor, to the cheers of everyone around.

Random hottie walking past is clawed and her feeble attempts of escape are foiled by the re-claw. “Escalate unless the girl is clearly uncomfortable”. Pull her back in, claw, square her up to me, have her try to leave, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, makeout.

Ice and water is poured all over the floor to make shuffling easier. At this point the floor is a mess of straws, glass, water and ice and it’s all cause of us. Some girl gets all snotty cause I refuse to buy her a drink after knowing her for the most part of 10 seconds. I run distraction on a boyfriend to allow Kim to make out with his girl behind bf’s back.

More straws are thrown. S is texting some girl. K, S and myself form a schoolgirl style giggle huddle, forming replies which eventually result in girls address being texted. The key was persistance. I think we told her to give the address there times in a row despite replies like “its midnight and I have to work ni the morning!” and assorted other token resistance rubbish. Nearby women are introduced into our circle of advice for our departing brother, as this would be him losing his V-card.

S leaves. I perform a hadoken, throw some straws and go back to shuffling

K and I split a two set. After a while, my girl has surpassed eye-coding, and walks straight over to the other girl saying she wants to go dance. Why the fuck can’t I hold a girls attention without talking about games of capture the flag, planning marraiges in vegas, arguing that backflips are a viable mode of transport and other assorted rubbish? It kind of hurts knowing that my ‘normal’ conversations suck ass.

Some girls tell me I’m a good conversationalist, allowing me to reclaim some pieces of my shattered ego from the last set. It’s going well. Then one of them gets a call from her bf and leaves for his place, other girl leaves for her boyfriend 5 meters behind us. For fucks sake.

A hottie looks at K a little too long, so the opportunity is used to blow out irish chode who is buynig them drinks. Somehow I got the nickname russian. I think it was because I told them I was from Russia, with a perfect Australian accent. It’s kinda a blur from here. K is closing in on his girl, who is a flighty tease.

I alternate between occupying Kim’s girl’s S&M fat goth friend (who in all fairness was a very cool chick) and teaching a random guy how to shuffle. He sucks.

I think my shuffling skill increased tenfold, or maybe I was just drunk.

I look around and realise there are motherfuckers making out in every corner, its 3am and I gotta get up at 7, I feel like I’ve been kicked in the head with a size 14, and I am girl-less.

So many people picking up in this place.

I’m not ganna lie, the walk home alone was painful. Very painful.

I managed to smile though, when I lied on my bed and realised my walls and roof were moving.

It kind of sucks that such a crazy, fun night where I’d say my “game” was shining, went out on such a negative note.

But fuck it was a fun night though, talk about being the party.

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LR: More Car Love

Weeks ago, I was drunk and decided to yell at some girl standing at the bar, cause she looked at me.

“WHO ARE YOU” pointing at her and giving her the evil eyes like I was accusing her of being alive.

We hit it off for about 5 minutes and must have got her number at some point, cause I woke up with it.

She added me on MSN somehow and would occasionally chat, and I wasn’t very keen to met up. One day when I was in an unusually happy mood I said we should hang out the following week.

Cue super cling mode. I started getting a shitload of texts. Dumb things like “good morning ” and

“How is your night?”
“Im out eating”
“Oh are you on a date?”
“Yeah, with my roommate” (lies, I was on my day2 with HBBlue)
“lol so not a date.” blah blah blah

I also managed to get her to send a topless picture message after denying her request for a pic of me, telling her it was nothing she wouldn’t get to see when we met up. When I was send a photo of boobs and face, I told her that I thought she missed the bottom half of her in the photo. So she sent a video, but wouldn’t allow seeing “down there”. Cute.
I decided to head out early, before her and a wing got there, to prove I can go solo.

Straight in to a hothothot girl at the bar. My new mindset is that all this is just a big silly game. She lights the fuck up with a “hey, whats up” followed by a chode question “where you from”. I swear only because I was grinning like an idiot.

After some random chat with peoples RL is outside. We make some videos for his website out the front and I spot HBCling.

“Oi, I know you”
She looks and keeps walking
“HBCling!”

It turns out she had me confused for someone else ie. was looking for a different guy. Lol. She’s ganna hang around anyway, she’s here alone. She’s also a fair bit cuter then I rememebered. Must be those two hours in the mirror.

RL can’t get into this bar so I put HBCling in my car and go to another. Chatting to RL, she keeps pinging for attention so I pull her in for the occasional claw or noogie. I get her to rate girls for RL to pick them up. She just looks like a tag along by this point, she’s fully sucked into our world. I turn on the laser eyes and go sexual, talking about naked pillow fights. Half hour later I tell RL I’m off, taking HBCling.

C: Where are we going?
P: To the car
C: You’re naughty

Make out with her on the way, and then up against the car.

There’s no way I’m taking her to mine. Stalker prevention system.

By this time she’s brought up me going out and getting my freak on with lots of girls. I have no idea how she got this idea, but at least she knows where she stands.

I tell her we are going to Mount X, the most cliché place ever. This is a lookout where all the local high schoolers go to get their freak on a couple of weeks after they get their car licence. You can not live in this city and not know what driving up there means.

We park up, I go round to her side, slam her up against the car and get to making out and groping. She keeps telling me how ‘naughty’ I am. She asks me why I’m so naughty. Cute.

She won’t let me near her frontbum, keeps batting me away. So I get in the car, sit her on my lap with her legs out the door and grab her ass through her legs, using my forearm to do the rubbing. Game over.

“Should I get a condom”
“I don’t know, should you?”

I tell her to get up and get her panties off, while I search for the goods. This time I left the door open a bit, made it a shitload easier.

Mid way, some car pulled into the car park, with lights directly on us. I think I freaked out more than she did. Fuck getting done for indecent exposure by the po-lice. They soon realised what was going on and drove off.

This morning I got a message saying

“I don’t normally do that, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea”

Cute.

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FR: Day2 – The Preacher’s Daughter

Last week I met up with HBBlue. It was pretty intesting and a good learning experience. A few days afterwards I found myself feeling a little bit off at the nature of women and how much they can rate themselves at times.

Quick intro: Met for 5 minutes, she asked if I had a gf (while drunk), got her number, txt next day, call day after that, 3 days later call again plus set up meet. I tell her I’ll text the address, she can come to min and we will go from there.
Tuesday:
I text address with some random funny shit tacked on.

She calls later, giving token bullshit to try and flake.

(Something about not showing up at random guys places)
Cool, (some random topic)
Oh I can’t make tonight cause I need to sleep for tomorow
Cool so where did you say you live
Blah
Where the fuck is that?
blah blah blah
There’s some shit I wanna check out over that way, I’ll pick you up at 8
Haha OK

Next, her sister called, flaking on me on HBBlue’s behalf.

HBBlue called, saying she didn’t know what her sister had said and that we were still on for tonight.

By this time, I can’t help but think how fucking weird girls are.

————–

I didn’t actually realise that this was my first day2 without really knowing a girl for longer than 5 minutes until I was out the front of her place.

It was like completely new territory. I didn’t really know what to do so I reverted to “just one of my mates” mode. Probably not the best, but at least now I can see what to do next time.

We stopped off at a lookout I wanted to see out near her place, went to the place we were going to eat (which was too busy) and found a random restaurant. It was standard getting-to-know-someone conversation. At some point it got pretty flirty and, looking back, intent was present for a bit there. The rest of the night was spent wondering whether she actually rated herself as highly as she seemed to verbalise.

Somehow the topic moved to things she expects of guys, so I laughed at her and asked if she had read “The Rules” (she hadn’t), but the topic went on for a bit. Jesus did this girl prize herself. I sat back in not-giving-a-fuck mode for pretty much the whole time, laughing at some of her bullshit and completely blowing off some tests. At some point she said if a guy didn’t pick her up from her place on the first date she wouldn’t see him again. I think she is used to being treated like a princess by guys.

She’s all like “they usually do this”, “i expect this”

Her: Guys always pay my cover charges, I’d never pay for those clubs
Me: Haha right why do they do that
Her: have you SEEN the dresses I wear?
Me: Righto, at least you’re confident

I qualify her saying that the ‘go for what you want’ vibe I got from her the night we met was pretty damn attractive. She talks about how conservative she is due to christian attitudes, but how much it changes when she’s on the booze (hint for me to get her drunk?). Definitely a completely different girl then the one I met out when she had some booze in her system.

I pay for dinner. I don’t really care (I had some age old shit sitting in my mind going Nooooo never pay!). Walking back to the car, I pull her in and makeout. She says something about being able to list out the things I’d done wrong for a first date. I laugh and tell her that “I don’t need a fucking critique” with a big grin (Is this bitch for real?). She looks at me in shock again (I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing). These other chodes must treat her like a fucking princess. Not me, girly.

We stop off at mine for a quick look at the view before she has to be home and we cuddle and makeout for a bit. When we get back to hers I kiss her in the driveway, and she says she shouldn’t because of her dad.

Me: Oh right, parents are conservative
Her: My dad’s a pastor!
Me: (internal: Oh god!) Haha! No way
Her: Yep, I’m a preachers daughter

This might go somewhere, might not. We’ll see.

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LR: Burning it to the ground with carpark glory

Sometimes everything just works out. A lot of the time when you least expect it.

Coming off a week of some shit nights with an inability to hook and some chodelike behaviour, choding out was NOT an option. I had even managed to spew negativity when out with Red Leader the master of positivity and thegoldengun. Once again, sorry guys. For some reason all week I had zero intent.

It had been about 7 weeks since I’d got a new girl, even though I’d had 3 isolated on a bed in that time but missed the conversion. Kind of annoying.

—————

I head over to a popular student/bogan pub for end of exam “Pyjama party” celebrations. Too bad it’s the middle of winter. Either the hotties are out in force, or I am blinded by the seductiveness of so many of these costumes. Daaammn!

This place used to be my local, and I spent 35 consecutive Sunday sesions here (pre game) last year so I can’t help but run into a lot of people. I normally chode up big time around some of these old mates, but I’m starting to not give a fuck. I don’t have anything to hide any more.

I take my mate I’m here to see, since he leaves the country in a few days, and open a mixed 5 set which goes very averagely, but I don’t care and jump straight into a seated 2 set, busting them on their animal ears, saying that it’s bullshit cause they don’t wear them to bed. (PJ Party)

After 2 mins of fluff about cold temperatures and pyjamas, we pull up seats and one girl brings up that she has in fact worn the animal ears to bed with her, along with the animal print bra she has on. Horn dog.

Due to lack of intent I couldn’t really give a shit about ’splitting the set’ so we just vibe randomly for around 40 mins. I wanted to go home about 5 times during this but I decided to play it out and see what happened.

We split the set and eventually my friend leaves me with the 2 girls. I get a text from my friend telling me to get his girls number, so I show her the text. Apparently they’ve set up a meet already. Go him!

One girl goes to look for something, which is an obvious escalation window. I’m not missing this shit again. I tell the girl she’s cute and make out with her. I ask what she’s doing later, as per Abercrombie’s SNL screening advice. She is walking her friend home apparently.

The friend and a dude come back, and I befriend him quickly which is easy, cause he’s an idiot. I suggest food across the road with my girl but she decides to bring everyone. The friend has decided she is sober enough to drive and my girl is sleeping at her place. Fuck. The line at food is too long so I say fuck it and start walking to my car, girl in tow. The other two are walking the same way to their car. When its time for us to split, my girl tells them to pick her up in 5 minutes.

We makeout in the middle of the carpark. I tell her I wanna rip that sexy underwear off her and I put her hand on my dick. She pulls away. After a minute or so she goes for it all by herself but some people walk past and she freaks out. I pull her over to the car and slam her up against it. She goes for the dick again, so I put her hands inside my pants and go inside hers, commencing fingerbang.

For about the 6th time I tell her to call her friends and say she is coming home with me. She says she can’t. I tell her I picked her as the kind who went for what she wants. She says she is, but “isn’t a one night kind of girl”. Again she says she can’t come home with me, suggests the car, telling me she has a condom in her purse. Booyah! (Not a one night kind of girl, eh?)

Car sex is shit, especially in a two door japanese thing. I end up cutting it short cause it’s probably my third least enjoyable fuck yet. She tells me she wants to do it again soon. Her friend calls and my girl tells her she will be 2 minutes.

Getting dressed outside the car, I realise her friend is parked not 10 meters away, waiting. Pretty good reason to crack the fuck up laughing, I think.

—————-

I wanted to leave so many times through the interaction. Maybe it was a success barrier, but I thought fuck it I’m going to burn this one to the ground. In the end it was simply managing logistics. It always goes down textbook. My non-commnuity mate even got a date out of it!

My first car pull Wooooo!

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FR: A week in the life of an aspiring PUA – Part 2

Continued from part 1…

Thursday

During the day my Monday girl contacted me on facebook telling me her phone is goneski. So it looks like she is still on the cards. That was a nice little boost for the day.

And so it’s a Thursday night in the middle of local uni exams, meaning that every sucker will be staying in. What to do?

Go pick up K and unleash on the town.

The first two bars blow, I squeeze out one or two sets. They are married. We see the blackwater guys again too. Fuuuuckk.

The next venue is normally full to the brim on a Thursday. There are 2 people on the dance floor, and there are scattered sets. A two set we hit it off with a few weeks ago (but drew the line on because they were too wasted) look at us and whisper to each other. I made a mental note to hit that shit up later. I ended up forgetting.

After some phone chat out on the balcony with a fellow from another town on ‘general pimping issues’, K has finished with a set and deems it appropriate to dry fuck me. Sexy.

Oooh a set, finally. What AA? “Oi where the hell is everyone, we gotta get a party started. Lets set up some capture the flag out here, us vs you.”

After some deliberation on team naming we split the set down the middle just by talking to each individual girl. Plenty of stories, clawing, hugging, marraige proposals, thread cutting, shifting sands…..the usual drill.

Oh noes, run out of shit to say syndrome. Normally this only occurs in the first 5-10 minutes. I’m half an hour in at this point, I should be able to vibe non-stop, but alas my brain has stopped coordinating with my mouth.

The four of us end up in a single group again, and K’s girl looks at me and says some funny word. I respond with a “wtf?”.

She repeats.

“Right… kufuffle.”

She repeats.

“What the hell are you talking about”

…….

Girl1 whispers to me that it’s girl2’s name.

Oh fuck. Buzzkill.

The vibe is now fucking dead. Oops.

Until this point, the vibe with my girl was awesome. Constant HARD eye contact, intent, kino, her being a massive smartass (which I love in girls). I had qualified, told her what I liked about her, played games, passed storms of shit tests etc etc. But within 5 minutes it was fucked.

K and I both had the digits from earlier on so we bail. These digits would be useless by this point though, as we left on a negative note. Girls tend to backwards rationalise a lot, meaning everything we did the whole time would now be creepy in their minds.

—————-

At the next bar, K goes into a 3 set while I look around to no avail. By the time I get back, the original girls are gone, and a guy and girl have appeared. I engage the guy, while K chats to the girl and the original three come back. The girl from the couple, HBBlue, starts leaning across the table to chat to me, epic titties staring me in the face. The guy and girl switch places so she can talk to me more easily. I want to find out if they are dating, as I could have sworn they were. So I ask her why she’s gotta be such a drag on her poor boy.

“Huh, my boy… this isn’t my boy!”

After some random chat and photo taking she runs off to the dance floor with the guy. I probably should have gone with her here, in hindsight.

We spot the awkward set from the last bar. Burn this shit to the ground! We roll up on their table and sit, they laugh. We start trying to play soccer with pieces of ice on the table. The girls are pretty fucking cold (no reference to the ice), but we are burning this shit down.

Mid conversation HBBlue comes over to me so I claw her in.

B: Hey, do you have a girlfriend

Its OOnnnnn

Me: Nope
B: Seriously?

I take out the phone, punch in 04 and hand it to her (practically before I could even finish the word “Nope”). The cold girls are still sitting on the other side of the table, watching.

HBBlue’s friends interrupt, she tells them she’ll catch up in a second.

I get the digits, while cold girls are saying they should leave and start walking off.

HBBlue tries to leave.

P: Oi, hold up
B: Wha….*makeout*

I hear the cold girls say some shit behind me. Fuck ya’s.

Hottest girl I’ve made out with in a long while. Smoking. Girls going direct like that is hot.

K and I debrief and head home. I’d say we learned a lot tonight.

Friday

I text both numbers from the previous night, the first is a complete flake. I kind of made out with another girl in front of her so that’s no suprise. Nothing to lose, though. The other girl responds and seems keen. Definitely one I want to follow up.

I call Sunday girl about the day2. We end up calling it off due to her exam stress and some other reasons. It’s cool, plenty more to do on a Friday.

HBRed, a girl from a few weeks ago texts and asks if I want to see her after she finishes work, promising she will be more exciting then last time (Last time she resembled a zombie after 12 hours work, so one would hope so). I eventually decide to let her come over, as well as one of my friends. If I decide to go out with him, that takes preference.

When he shows up, we decide to have a night in. HBRed and her friend (who introduced me to HBRed) show up and we chat. My friend leaves, then HBRed’s friend says she is going. HBRed also says she’s leaving.

Normally, I wouldn’t let this happen, but this girl is really starting to get annoying. What she meant by ‘more exciting’ was one step above being a zombie. She exhibits the sexual polarity of a slab of concrete, which becommes pretty unattractive after a while.

From what she said in the conversation, she thinks she is ’seeing me’. I haven’t slept with her yet, so…um…. no. She is getting a NEXT. Unless she calls with offer of sex on a silver plate.

Saturday

I almost turned down a poker night with workmates to read my new book “The Female Brain”. That was when I realised I take this shit too seriously sometimes. Giving up mates for READING? Fuck that. They ended up cancelling anyway.

Once again, K and I head out later in the night. We also meet up with M, and see a bunch of other community guys out. It’s funny, now that we are starting to know who a lot of these guys are, it really changes the way you look at venues. Suddenly there’s a few more fishing boats around, figuratively speaking.

Tonight I was ON FIRE. Physical domination was off the charts with clawing, hugging and generally throwing girls around. It was fun for me, and for them.

We were getting attention from all over the place. Hell some people even assembled a personal bodyguard to stop people walking through our group photo, it was hilarious. This was another very natural night. These are starting to occur more often, which is bloody awesome.

Long story short, I had zero success. There was a few boyfriends around stoppnig my progress in its tracks, sometimes we were leaving before I could get anywhere, and by the end of the night the cock ratio was about 4 to 1 everywhere we went. More like 15 to 1 for hot girls. These nights happen, you can’t win them all.

—————–

In summary, this week I started a positivity challenge, freaked out over losing my FB, made out with a couple of girls, got several numbers, set up a day 2, got flaked on a day 2, replaced day 2 with seeing another girl, decided to next said girl, had to tell another girl I had a girlfriend*, got scared for my life, almost banged an overly large girl, fucked up several other opportunities (it happens), and had a lot of really good interactions. Progress!

*because I want to keep her as a friend, and don’t want her to hit on me

So, that’s my week. A complete turnaround from the SHIT i felt in the few weeks before this. I have options once again. It’s amazing how fast you can turn everything around with a bit of persistence and determination. I’m also currently sitting on day 6 of my positivity challege.

Another big week planned.

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