It’s all part of the journey – My Comeback

Sorry guys, I’ve been busy as hell of late so articles have been coming a lot slower. Plus this one is pretty big.

In a few weeks I’m off to Europe so it may stay like this for a while, but at least there will be plenty of shit to report about

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It’s all part of the journey

I hadn’t even realised until now. Looking back over the past few weeks, they have been a rollercoaster of crazy nights, coitus sessions and some of the most intense fun I have had, ever. Welcome to the life.

I was appraoching what we had deemed in my social circle to be a level 4 drought (3 months), and by fuck did it have me feeling down. I mean how does a dude who has spent so much time working towards something, striving to become a better bloke and strip away everything that holds him back, go almost three months without a girl. It’s hard to stay positive in times like this, but doing so is the shit that makes you stronger. Positivity during the shit times.

Progress always comes in bursts. Everything will be going great for a while, then you have a plateau and nothing seems to improve. You may even regress, but sticking with it is the most crucial thing, because plateaus will always end with a little perseverance. Plus, there’s nothing like an extended dry spell to brutalise any pimp ego you may have had.

For those who don’t know, pimp ego is the mindset you can find yourself in after a big bout of success, identifing yourself as “one who is good with girls”. This leads you to make conscious and subconscious decisions in the aid of protecting said ego. For example “I didn’t pick up tonight because I only approached 1 girl”. Without that pimp ego, you wouldn’t give a fuck about getting blown out, and would have approached like a machine. It also has the potential to turn you into a full dickhead in your interactions, as your communication and behaviour is filtered through the layer of ego you have built up. I digress.

As I was saying, the plateaus and regressions seem to be what build you as an indivdual operating through self esteem. I was watching Vanilla Sky recently, and now have a new quote to add to my list

“Without the bitter baby, the sweet ain’t as sweet”

Without the shit times, the regressions and the times when nothing goes right, the glory times just would not seem as amazing. The following few weeks are what I would defintely call the glory times.

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The weekend in the report “Alcoholism, gallipoli and unintersting drought breakers” was a huge turning point. The Thursday prior, I had met a cool girl, had epic hook ups and an alleyway finger bang with plans to meet up in the future. Saturday night saw a shit ton of some of the hardest blowouts to date. There’s nothing like getting slammed by a bunch of drug fuelled party sluts to deliver a royal ass fucking to any remnants of ego remaining after the two and three-quarter month dry spell. Sunday, I finally broke the drought. Despite it being a dud-root, as least the chode part of my ego had been satisfied. I was no longer a bloke who hadn’t been laid in ages.

Week One – The Rise

Something had tripped in my mind. It was time to make shit happen, get this handled. No more hiding behind any ego. It was time to get say what I want, when I want, 100% authenticity and risk having the real me blown the fuck out. I spend the week dedicating the different nights to sticking points. I start clawing again. I start telling girls they are straight up fucking adorable again. I focuss on slowing down, and being <b>loud</b>. While I had no results, I was already feeling a <b>lot</b> better. The weekend was capped off off by an epic sexual text exchange between alley girl and I. The result? A date for Monday.

Week Two – The Explosion

The date started fucking terribly. It was a long drive from her place back into the city and I had to continually cut threads and change topics to find some common ground we could talk about freely. It turned out this girl had a ridiculous amount of shit in common with me. She was a female version of me minus 3.5 years. Oh, plus she’s hot.

We end up on a terribly cliche ferris wheel overlooking the city and resort to McDonalds because everything else is closed. It didn’t matter, cause it ended in glory with Ace Ventura playing in the background.

Unfortunately, AlleyGirl had to leave the country that Friday, and it eventuated that we could not meet up again before she left. Sad.

That Thursday night is the report “Persistence and Turning your night around”. A night that started out incredibly shitty was turned around by forcefully pushing through comfort zones. Great times were had, and the number of an incredibly hot American girl was pulled.

The following night, American begins texting me. They start out as “what are you doing tonight” and slowly de(up?)grade to “i’m drunk and horny, come find me!”. At the time I was standing around with some lair guys, so the decision of what to do wasn’t all that difficult. When I find her, my eyes are blown out of their sockets. By fuck is she glorious. She’s in a tight electric blue dress (my absolute favourite colour) with no bra that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. And her voice is so fucking sweet. We alternate between chats and makeouts in Chinatown, and just when she “really has to go find her friends”, I take her into a random back room where the door just happened to be ajar and set to work. Shortly thereafter we are interrupted by a googly eyed security guard. Alas, no glory for me that night.

Saturday night stands as one of the biggest nights of my life. Drinking starts at midday, with attendance to various parties, a footy match, and a pub packed to the hilt with law students. I take it on as my duty to relieve said law buddies of their standard uptightness. I waltz up to the bar, make two nearby girls my temporary girlfriends and convince the bartendress that I deserve more then the maximum two drinks at a time due to my superiority and ninja like greatness.

I bounce between the bar and my table several times until I have built up a sufficient horde of alcomohol for the night.

This is where my night goes blank for the next 3 to 4 hours. Complete level 5 memory loss. Here is a summary of what I did over the next few hours in the order I found out, and the source of that information.

• Met a whole lot of girls, sharing my sombrero around (which I still had from the mexican party). Source: My camera. How I didn’t lose the thing is beyond me.
• Took numbers and facebooks of at least five girls. Source: My phone.
• Called Kimball and flipped the fuck out. Told him that I wanted to cry because I had made out with girls and couldn’t remember who, had lost my friends and didn’t know where the fuck I was. Source: Kimball.
• Told at least 4 girls they were my temporary girlfriend. Source: My housemate.
• Spent a whole hour chatting to (hitting on) one of my good mates girlfriends and her best friend: Source: My good mate.
• Made out with a girl within 5 minutes, took her into a back room and wallslammed her, and got kicked out by some random member of staff. Source: The same girl, 2 weeks later.
• Made out with a friend of a friend. Source: The friend, while trying to set us up.

As told by Kimball, eventually he found me and we walked to our final destination for the night. We stopped over at another bar, stole some shit and hit on promo girls on the way. All of which have been deleted from my memory courtesy of mister Smirnhoff.

The night starts to come back into focus once we are inside the next venue. This is probably due to the fact that any more alcohol would have probably killed me, hence started drinking water. A lot of alcohol seems to provide the illusion of teleportation. Awesome. We chat to some girls, meet up with Alexander~ of RSD and break some things. Some bar skank gets angry at me for repeatedly leaning over the bar taking ice, limes, straws and whatever else looked like it would fit down a girls top. Shoving shit down girls tops is definitely (not quite) my A game. Didn’t matter though, they loved it.

By now, American Girl is looking for me. We meet up, move into a corner for some make outs, introduce her to the boys, get some tequilla and high tail. People in the cab line are angry. I tell them to chill the fuck out. It’s hard to be negative when you have a glory girl on your arm.

At about 3am she calls a cab to head home. A while later my phone buzzes.

“Thanks for the fuck australia. Good night”

I love Americans.

On Sunday, I decide that the best way to go about repairing the destruction to my body which had been inflicted on Saturday is more beer. It’s me, Kimball, Alexander~, Red Leader and shift for chill times at the local. It doesn’t take long before “chill with the boys” is dogged for “beer and bitches”. Kimball’s already found a girl and is doing his thing, and I spend my night getting blown out a metric fuck ton, chatting to Alex, and watching him pull out a girls boobs at the bar while her hands are in his pants.

A girl who previously tried to cut me down appraoches me. I told her that her friend is a bitch and we chat about anal, lube and other assorted crap despite her 2.5 year boyfriend. Red Leader, Alex and I sit and chat with the friends, who are all up in our grill. The Pyro Abuse Cannon was out in force, but the girles ate it up.

Over come to bouncers to tell us to get the fuck out, due to closing time. We are all standing around out the front when I yell “AFFFTTEEERRRPARRRTYYY”, completely disregading the fact I have two sleeping housemates at home. The boyfriend girl starts whinging about not wanting to go back to a randoms house. I throw her over my shoulder and march down the street to the cab. You think she’d get angry? Her friends all crack the fuck up and and she latches onto me. Physical always wins.

An hour later, however, i decide against homewrecking even though it seemed so on. I think she sensed it too, as she freaked the fuck out after she almost pulled me into the bathroom. She calls her boy to pick her up.

So I get with her friend instead. After a whole half hour of sleep, I wake up snuggled with three girls, my car is covered in cheeseburgers, there are half empty beers everywhere, a girl sleeping on the patio and a passed out Alex on the couch.

Week Three – Bootcamp

Alex invites both Kimball and I to apply for instructor assistant positions with RSD. I am interviewed on Thursday and am told I have the job on Thursday, with bootcamp to start on Friday.

Holy shit.

You know those “A-Ha!” or “Ahhhhh” moments we all get from time to time in our journey to master the tactical insertion of penis? This weekend was not one of those. It was more of a fireworks display of neurons and cerebral matter cutting in random directions as they detached from most of what I thought I knew.

In other words, an Alexander~ bootcamp.

I may write up more on this weekend in the future.

Week Four and Five – Riding the Wave

Wednesday is a biannual wine and cheese night for a high achievers society. Here I am known for being the drunkest idiot every time, when I’m not even part of their silly club. I gots a reputation to uphold.

Hit on ubernerds. The only pretty ones had boyfriends.

Hit on ubernerds anyway.

Friday Night is the night of LR: Welshy.

Week Five is spent mostly in chill times with the boys. I am well and truly fucked from the last few weeks. We decide to make Friday a big one, though.

Manndingo, Kimball and I hit the hardest club in town. Bitches here will eat you alive for being born. Motivation levels are at their lowest, but we stick it out a little anyway. SportGirl, from Monday’s day2 ends up downstairs so I go say hi. We chat about dominance and guys who probably have vaginas. Makeout times. We make plans to meet up later as I “wanna hang out with my mates for a bit”. Cutting the story short, I text her at 3am and tell her to meet me. She calls and says shes on her way home but I am “welcome to come over”. Done. She gives me the address and I head over. It’s rare I get with a girl older then me, but I think I should do it more often. She’s only got just over a year on me at 23, but fucking hell she knew what she was doing. Good girl.

Saturday. I have never experienced such a burning desire for women. It was equivalent to my normal intent, times about 5. Then throw in some woo, a little less then my normal high energy style. If it was like this every night, all girls in a 10 foot radius would be in danger. I can’t really recount all of what happened, but many girls were approached, many dudes were befriended and an 18yr old girl was bounced around the club repeatedly between games of tonsil hockey.

These last 5-6 weeks have been the craziest yet. Almost every night is becoming an adventure. Monday night usually leaves me wondering… “I wonder what random shit I’m going to get up to this week”. Live a life of stories. This is what it’s all about. To think that a little over nine months ago I was hoping to reach double digits for the number of girls I had kissed. When I would worry about how much pain I was going to subject myself to by going out. When any story worthy adventures would be spaced out once every few weeks. When making a move on a girl was still a big deal.

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It took the downtime to force me to really take a look at my situation and figure out what was wrong. As it turns out, alignment with your purpose really is as important as they say. Once that is in order, other things, including girls, just happen.

This community CAN NOT be just about girls. Getting laid isn’t going to fill any voids, as much as you think it will. I sure as fuck thought it would. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Cherish the bad times and get the rest of your life in order.

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FR: Persistence and Turning Your Night Around

I’m posting up this report because it shows that an absolutley shit night can be turned aronud no worries. There is no excuse for submitting to the downward spiral. It also shows some serious persistence to the point where the girl was physically trying to pull away from me.

By building up the night so much, having a 2 hour nap and a red bull, I accidentally drummed up a stupidly hyperactive state.

Doesn’t matter, we explode the fuck up anyway. We walk past the biggest line we have yet, the bouncers look at us for a split second, and we walk straight in. Waiting is for the non glorious.

The latest craze is telling girls exactly what you’re doing to them.

“Hi, I have to talk to the first girl I see. Thats you!”
“This is what we call the claw. You are being clawed.”
“Oi! Reject me as hard as you can to blow my ego to pieces for the rest of the night!”
“We are lording the club, and I am going to suck you in.”

Kinda funny, since it doesn’t matter what the hell you say.

The lot of us decide we’d rather pretend to be chodes and start marching around the city looking for ‘better venues’. Never mind the horde of hotties at the place we just left.

A few bounces later we end up back there. We line up.

Non glorious we have become.

More choding…..

FUCK this. If anything tonight, the aim is to turn this bullshit around into a happy state.

I chat to some dudes who look sad, and absolutely pump their night. Semi-social circle chats. Random bar chats. Whats that? Oh yes, I’ve cracked a smile. Time to shine.

A tanned bombshell waits for me to squeeze past her through the crowd, looks up with perfect blowjob eyes and smiles. My arms have already grabbed her shoulders and squared her up to me. How did that happen?

“Whoa, shit. I’m not letting you go past without saying Hi, you’re adorable.” Dammit this is starting to feel routine.

Insta sparkle motion. My 8 ball is being gay again, so chodeversation occurs. Fuck that.

“You’re my girlfriend for the night”
“Oi, I wanna dance”

I grab her hand and lead her through the intense crowd to the dance floor.

She’s the perfect grinder. My god. I grab her cheeks for a slow level 1 makeout. But wait what? A friend comes in and won’t go away. Fuck. Keep smiling, pull her in for three way grind. She loves it, friend conquered. She still isn’t leaving though.

“Oi, bar!”

I get some water and chat to the friend. I turn back and some dude is up on the girl. The orbiter kind. I run into K and they all trail off, whatever.

…….

After half an hour of more random chats and disgusting verbals I see her again near the dance floor. This time there’s at least 5 friends. Fuck it. Lift and spin (absolute golden). Cheers from all the friends, so I dance with all of them and they are laughing and cheering and loving it. She has run away again, fuck!

…….

Later on just walking around, there she is! Claw. Smiles from both of us.

“I have to go!”

She tries to leave and I pull her back. Tug o’ war. Fuck it, I guess it’s a loss. Even Kimball indicates so.

As I let go of the girl and walk to him:

“Oi dude whoa, turn around.”

SeppoGirl looks like a deer in the headlights. She’s frozen in the exact pose I let her go in, staring at us. Wtf.

“Chase that shit!”

Chase down occurs. Some dude starts talking to her, sees me coming and runs away. ??

She keeps trying to leave, but I keep pulling back. Absolute tug of war style persistance. I don’t think I’ve EVER pushed this hard. She’s completely sparkle motion but being so flighty.

*IMPORTANT – I could tell that this girl was into me. All her friends were practically my cheerleaders. This is why I kept going. Don’t go physically assaulting girls because it’s what it sounds like I did here. That’s creepy.

“I reaaaally have to go, but take my number”
“Righto”
“Call me!”
“Will do”

I shrug it off as a courtesy on her part, and then this, over text:

Stay out of trouble u brat. Pyro
You’re the cutest australian I’ve met. Hit me up sometime

My persistance, or cause I’m sexy as fuck? Gawd, I wanna wreck that chick.

Night turned around? I’d like to think so. Fuck this downward spiral bullshit, there is no excuse.

This might not sound like a big night in the way of results, but I went on to hook up with her the next night and take her home the night after that. But thats for another post.

Anything can happen. Just go for it. I don’t care how shit you are feeling.

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FR: Alleyway Fun

After seriously considering bailing on the night and calling CherishGirl, Mister J confirms his want to go out. Fuck it.

First venue dead. I pick some girl up for ‘late birthday hugs’ and she freaks out.

The ratio at the second venue is awesome, for Brisbane. A bunch of 4 girls are doing retarded dances around their table.

You guys…. look like more fun…. then ANYONE in this place
We are making fun of those suits!

We pull up seats and inform them that the lawnmower and the shopping trolley are back “in” as top dance moves for 2008. We teach each other a bunch of random moves before I find a buisness card for some lawyer on the table. I laugh at them for getting hit on by seedy old men.

No, No, No! It was here when we got here.
Oh, righto. Pull out phone and dial the number
Oi! Here, take this. Speak!
Who is it
Lawyer dude. Get sexy

She makes a feeble attempt at seducing the sucker on the end of the phone. Poor guy.

He calls back a few times, each time I hand it to a different girl. The last one says

Hey, I wanna add you to myspace and show you pictures of my pussy

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I fucking love this girl, absolute champion. I tell em they are the coolest girls I’ve met in a while (in all honesty). They think I’m bullshitting and I say it to all the girls. Whatever.

Two friends scurry off, leaving me, J, PussyGirl and AlleyGirl. We chat about things guys can get away with during sex (like yelling harder better faster stronger).

I drag AlleyGirl to the d-floor and try to teach her to shuffle, and J takes PussyGirl to the bar. We join up and they say they are leaving to go to the local gay bar.

Internal: Shit! Fuck how to play this. Look around. Hmm there’s a corner.

I grab her by the wrist and drag her behind the corner

You ain’t going anywhere yet

Level 4 makeout.

I tell em I might see them at the gay bar later and bail. Not before demonstarting how to ‘pick up chicks’, by throwing her over my shoulder.

Walking to the next club….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

The two girls headed in our direction explode and both try to claim it’s their birthday. Righto. I pick one up for birthday hugs and ask if she’s had her birthday makeout yet.

No… But I have a boyfriend. And I love him very much.

Righto. We spend the next 20 mins in search of solo targets to apocalypse to no avail.

J takes me home. On the drive, I got a text from AlleyGirl asking where her 15 calls were (I had told her I was going to call her 15 times a day until she left the country). Sitting in my room about to go to sleep and I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I went back out solo or went to the gaybar.

Sleep or adventure?

Jump in my car.

Oi we’re going to the (gaybar)!
We are going home now Sorry
Cool talk later x Stay out of trouble you brat

Fuck. Back up plan is to go into the city. As I am pulling into a city carpark:

Hey hussy im no brat. Come to the (gaybar) my friend didnt want you to come LOL

Turn that shit around and back to the gaybar.

There’s only two of them left, after some dancing the final one bails. Its ON.

Let’s get out of here

On the walk to my car she asks where we are going about 7 times. Each time I don’t answer and keep talking rubbish until I finally give in and say Club Pyro.

We get to the car and I wallslam again. She says she can’t come back to mine for a seemingly genuine reason.

Any other night I would, honestly. Worst fucking night for it, ever

I kinda believed her. Whatever.

You don’t want to know the things I’m thinking of doing to you right now
I think I do

Instead I took her to an alleyway and fingerbang her until she almost fell over. Literally. Cunts keep looking down the alleyway to see what the noise is all about, and she fucking loves it. Afterwards, she won’t embrace cock to mouth or fucky fucky. Just as we are finishing up two guys walk down the alleyway and piss a few meters away from us. Thanks dudes. Hot.

Future plans were made. Pretty sure its solid.

I need some fuckin sleep. But work doesn’t allow it.

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