Stop trying so hard

Stop trying so hard.

You think it would be obvious.

I don’t know how many times I’ve read it. Being “out of your head”, not thinking, doing whatever comes into your mind. The list goes on. We’ve all heard some variation of it about a million times.

Fair enough, I thought. I’ll go out and say what comes into my head. There I was, talking some serious bullshit. It was great. I’d be cracking myself up, cracking other people up or confusing them with complete nonsense. But it was just as hit and miss as whatever I was doing before that. The thing is, I was still trying so hard to generate that randomness and illogicality. I always talked a fair bit of shit, so [b]trying[/b] to be even more illogical just felt dumb.

I think I’m finally starting to realise what Alex~ means when he says “you are a man with his two feet on the ground, from there you generate attraction”. It means [b]trusting[/b] in the fact that you already ARE attractive. You don’t have to do anything.

I realised when doing a set with Alex with these two attention whore type girls who were making out with and groping each other and running around like fucking magpies (our term for girls who go after the first shiny thing they see).

Both of us are leaning back against the bar and I can’t help but run my mouth. So I’m thinking, “Oh shit, the attention isn’t on me…. How can I get it back??? … OK say something, claw her in….”

The attention comes back for a bit, but something about it is dodgy. I glance over at Alex and while these girls are doing their silly shit, he’s just chilling against the bar. He’s looking around the club, not really focussed on anything. Like a smack to the face I realise “durr, I’m already attractive, she’ll come back”.

Back in chill mode, both girls are up in our grill again.

That’s it. You already have everything you need to be attractive. Just chill, stop [b]trying[/b] to be attractive.

As much as I thought I wasn’t trying, the mindset was all fucked up. The girl was still “above” me. Wrong.

I think Alex’s articles are ganna make so much more sense now. Just gotta find some time to read the monsters that they are.

Again.

Stop trying so hard. Trust that you are attractive.

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Reflections in Time Off

I’m back from my 9 day trip where girls were off limits. Nothing like a good old break to reflect on things and carve up one of the best snow seasons Mt. Hutt has seen. Fuck yeah.

Oh and my 30 day numbers ban is almost finished.

Side note: Even though girls were off limits it didn’t stop me having a crack when the rare opportunity arose (the snow town was like 0.5% hot women). One occasion I got retardedly drunk and busted out the verbal abuse cannon when a girl said anything that slightly annoyed me. Another occasion I got retardedly drunk (seeing a trend emerge?) and smoothness level dropped to “minimum”. OTOH, I had a 4 hour convo with two cuties on the flight over to NZ so I proved to myself that my conversational skills ARE actually there, somewhere.

Anyways, some thinking made me realise I still have a truckload of ego tied up in pulling. “Oh that guys pulls more then me”, “Why is that guy getting that girl he’s a fuckhead”, “oh yes I’m getting laid now I can write a report on the internet to show off to a bunch of guys I’ve never met”.

Fuck that. No more. Who am I in this for?

I’m kinda considering getting a gf at the moment. I can’t see much wrong with having regular sex with a cool, hot girl occasionally in public locations. Why the hell do I care what # of women I’ve slept with? I’m not actively searching for a gf, but if it happens, it happens.

The second big shift I feel I have made is adding some selfishness into my personality. It may be a little dark, but I’m getting pretty frustrated with people. There’s a lot of cunts out there – male and female. If someone is acting like a fucktard early on in the interaction, why would I hang around and waste my time. If my impression of them is bad, I’m out.

Unfortunately right now I can’t do shit because I’m coughing to the tune of shotguns and constantly feel like I’ve been smacked across the head with a big brick, but it’ll pass soon enough.

Gotta get back into the field so I can actually post something potentially helpful….

Oh and also I think I’m ditching the idea of routines. Not only do I tense up at the thought of using them, but I’m way too fucking lazy to write them and figure them out. Watching some flawless natural and reading up on Alex~’s blog has pounded it into my head that routines are completely fucking unnecessary.

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Seduction Community Variants – Natural versus Routine Game

The ever advancing Seduction Community has been responsible for taking multitudes of hopeless, socially awkward guys and turning their lives around, eventually achieving the lives they always wished they had. There are various ways guys go about achieving success with women, with the two most dominant sides being natural and routine game.

In early Community days, there was a general focus on routine game, basically meaning a series of lines, stories, witty comebacks and attitudes which were proven to establish a ‘connection’ with a girl. Recent times have seen a swing towards natural game, promoting work on inner game, self development and developing a confident core identity. The extreme of this being a complete indepence from any lines or canned (preplanned) material, trusting that “the self is always shinging through” and that alone is enough to get the girl. There are followers of both sides within the seduction community, some of which have no problem coexisting with the other kind, and some who continually flame.

The concept of routine game has a tendency to come off as creepy and manipulative. It isn’t hard to see why. Guys can go on the internet, find a bunch of lines which have been proven to work and use them to pick up women. Sometimes this material has nothing to do with the PUA, and may be a completely made up story or one that happened to someone else. Conversational starters known as opinion openers are sometimes used, with the intention of cutting off the reply to further the interaction and follow on with other attraction generating lines or routines. If you have no idea what I am talking about, there is plenty of information out there, just jump on google or hit the first wiki link.

I think the problem occurs when guys go out and use nothing but their routines, which esentially cover up their real identity, and fire off line after line to get the girl. While pickup can be viewed as any other skill like playing guitar or snowboarding, in that it takes practice and persistance to get anywhere, there is one major difference. Unlike the guitars and snowboards, women AREN’T objects, and by viewing them as such you become, simply put, a bit of a dick. This overuse of lines and having automated responses to almost any reaction by the girl has been dubbed as being a ’social robot’. While an extreme case, it is a bit dodgy. You could be this swirly twirly guru with tactics for every situation, covering up your actual core, or you could actually become an amazing person that girls want to be with.

Ok, it’s pretty clear I’m an advocate for natural game, but I can see why so many guys get sucked in by it and I can also see its merits. Routine game can seem like a magic pill for a guy’s problems with meeting and seducing women. Men, being logical creatures, can easily fall for a systematic approach to getting the woman (or women) of their dreams.

Over time, guys that go into the field to practice build up more and more confidence due to small successes here and there, and desensitise themselves to rejection. This confidence breeds success, which breeds more confidence, and so the cycle continues. So I guess there is merit in routines, since they can build some confidence into newbies, especially the really socially awkward guys. The ones who finally dragged themselves away from their World of Warcraft girlfriend and typed in ‘how to pick up girls’ into google. I think it’s a case of ‘fake it ’till you make it’ (please don’t keep faking it indefinitely). Note that there is a difference between confidence in lines and routines and confidence in yourself. If you take away lines from someone who is dependent on them, will he still be confident?

Now to the other side, natural game. Obviously people are out there getting laid, else you wouldn’t be here. Your dad didn’t need the internet to get laid. At the clubs, there are loads of guys who are just naturally good with women, hence the term ‘natural’. Wouldn’t it be just as good to act/be like these guys?

Becomming a ‘learned natural’ combines the behaviours of these guys with an acute understanding of social dynamics, forming an unstoppable combniation of confidence, status, presence and the ability to handle tricky situations and logistical issues as they arise. This way, seduction becomes part of who you are, rather than something you do.

The natural approach goes hand in hand with a lot of self development writings such as Tony Robbins, Eckhart Tolle and David Deida, aimed at improving all areas of your life and becomming ‘the man you were meant to be’. Some people view this as a bunch of hippie, new age bullshit. Personally, the quality of my life has increased a ridiculous amount with help of these three and assorted other authors, and that was before I was getting laid. For this reason, I couldn’t even try to find a negative thing to say about them.

Like anything with more than one side, there will always be slander between teams, friendly or unfriendly. Routine guys will claim the learned natural method doesn’t produce results and visa versa. Guys from both sides are getting results, it’s a fact. There is countless seduction companies out there claiming to be able to turn you into a pimp in a few days (magic pill mentality again!), and many of them produce results but it is never instant.

Whichever path you follow, there is one thing that always rings true. Without dedication and persistance you will get nowhere. Simple as that. Many of the ‘gurus’ of pickup have spent countless hours in field taking harsh rejections, slaps to the face and drinks poured on them. They get confronted by angry boyfriends, end up with crazy female stalkers and get publicly embarrased. Some have lost jobs, almost gone insane and battled rollercoasters of emotions. While I am definitely no guru, I have already encountered most of these things.

Is it worth it?

Fucking oath.

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