The Importance of Life Outside of Pick Up

A recent post I made on RSDN, which I think highlights the importance of keeping other things in your life, and internal ego battles:

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Lately I have noticed some pretty large and probably unhealthy emotional ups and downs that I have been going through. I’d like to think I am not outcome dependent, but there is a distinct correlation between how many good sets I did the night before or how much I am getting laid, and my mood.

God, a year ago I would have killed to be in the position I am in now. Now that I have seen the possibilities of my potential within this community, I find myself always wanting more. I can go out, have a shit load of fun and get, for example, one number, I’ll be happy as fuck the next day cause last night was wicked, and the number flakes.

State crash.

I’ll think “Oh it’s all good, the next one might not be the same”, and simultaneously “what the fuck did I do wrong this time, why doesn’t this one like me?”

Then there’s a little battle for a while before I either come out content or pretty low. Most of the time I can just sleep it off overnight and I feel fine or even awesome the next day. Maybe that high will last for a few days, I’ll send out some messages, facebook some girlies etc etc. Responses might come back. All is well and good, until the excitement dies off or responses don’t go the way I want them to.

Progressive state crash.

Then I’ll go out again, have a crazy night and maybe make out with a couple of girls, get some numbers and rip the city a new arsehole. I’ll be all validated, write about it (for the forum and to refer back to on down times) and be happy.

Start the cycle from the beginning.

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This is happening at a bare minimum of once a week. MINIMUM. Sometimes this cycle occurs 2-3 times per week, depending on how much I go out and what else I’m getting up to. This can’t be fucking healthy. This shit makes people bipolar.

I noticed that today I read my bootcamp report for the third time as a reminder of what I am capable of. Bootcamp was only ONE WEEK ago. Jesus.

I realise now that although it might pump me up a little, it is probably serving to promote that silly pimp image, which I then think I have to live up to. When this doesn’t happen, bet your ass there will be a state crash.

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Why is this happening?

I have realised than since I have been going out regularly and trying to get this handled so quickly, everything else has fallen off the cards.

Life now consists of work, gym, going out and recovering from the lack of sleep between going out and going to work. I barely even have time or the drive to play the guitar sitting a couple of meters away from me, which I loved prior to this.

My passions? I couldn’t even tell you. I like hooking up with girls. I like feeling good. I like self development. (Two things I do love are travelling and snowboarding, both which can only happen once or twice a year)

Even ‘feeling good’ is happening less and less. I used to walk around constantly happy, but I feel this roller coaster is KILLING ME.

I think that the more I get into this, the more things I enjoy are falling away, resulting in more outcome dependence, causing huge state fluctuations and a LOT more negativity from my part. Disturbing trend.

—– END OF ORIGINAL POST —–

Conclusion from Replies

By Red Leader

Ego feeding cycle.

Your ego eats, then once it runs out of fuel, you get hungry and have to fill it back up with validation and elation….

Imagine taking out that WHOLE first section in your post and crossing a big line through it….

staring at it blankly…. stillness, thoughtless and peace….

that’s all it takes to rid yourself of these ups and downs.

and all these ups are 100% artificial anyway. It’s just the false sense of fulfillment your ego gets with validation.

By Leiv

Being a pimp has become part of your egostructure.

This leads to outcome dependence. You need ongoing results to keep your egostructure from falling apart.

Back when I was a chode I used to play Counterstrike a lot. In the beginning I enjoyed playing it. This ended when I became good. Being a good player became a big part of my egostructure. When I sucked I would become very agitated.

It felt like my identity was in danger. How stupid.

Also I did not have a lot of other things going for me in my life. This made being good even more important to keep my little identity validated.

This proces is very addictive. You need to play good to feel good. This causes anxiety because YOU CAN NOT CONTROL THE GAME.

I don’t think much more needs to be explained. Pick up can be incredibly addictive. So much so that I managed to drop everything else in the hope of mastery in this area. This is the absolute best way to make your identity that of a ‘pick up artist’, which is a terrible place to be. Nothing could make you as outcome dependent as this. Outcome dependence is one of the most unattractive qualities you can have to a woman. While I think it is OK to go all out at this for a few months, like I have, there reaches a point where you really need other things to fall back on, something else to look forward to outside of pick up.

Time to get to work on finding some new hobbies

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